I grieve for you, daughter. You claimed you were so strong, yet you took the same path your sister stumbled on.
Each piece of my heart was left to bleed afresh.
I grieve for you, daughter. You claimed you were so strong, yet the world you have entered laughed as you became their edible flower.
How did I miss, like Jacob, the seed you harbored here? Where feelings reign supreme, sprouting idols of emotion that choke out the truth?
What part did I play in the birthplace of your defiance?
Was it disrespect I thought you didn’t notice or anger justified, the multitude of times I yelled at you and never apologized? Could it be all those arguments Dad and I thought we hid from you?
Or every teachable moment I squandered on all my selfish pursuits?
This was me twenty years ago—okay, closer to ten. But I was learning, I was growing, I wasn’t where I am now, so many light-years ahead.
Oh, why did you have to be cannon fodder on the field of my maturity?
What if plagues me at night. Would you have still made the same choices, if not for my mistakes? I will never know.
I tried to reach your hand, to hold on for dear life.
But you slipped . . . through . . . my . . . fingers.
It was agony watching you fall.
Your valley of decision has left a chasm between us I am forbidden to traverse (1 Corinthians 5:11).
God’s truth doesn’t change
Do you think about his wife? She is still his wife, you know. A piece of paper doesn’t change that. The “two shall become one” may be inconvenient for you, but God’s ways are perfect.
Marriage is not a trading card game, subject to mood and desire. As long as there’s breath, till death do us part is a vow let no one put asunder. God did not change His mind for you.
Why did you change the truth of God for a lie? (Romans 1:25)
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
God does not change His will for our whims.
How big is your bottle, God? Won’t it overflow?
I am weeping. Weeping for all that could have been—new sons, my daughters, and an ever-widening family circle.
I ache to trace the soft spot amid the finest hairs and feel the caress of tiny hands upon my aged skin.
I ache to catch a dimple flash in a laugh that lassoes happy tears. And kiss each and every perfect toe. I ache to hold, hold, hold . . . but I’ve been instructed to release anything I love more than Christ.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37–38)
I grieve for you, daughter. I still hold a soft spot filled with hope at my center, but it will remain encased and steely hard against the softness of sin, the mush of tolerance, the yielding to the enemy of our souls for a moment of pleasure.
Woe be to those who choose the varied delicacies of Egypt over the unchangeable Manna of God.
I would rather enter the kingdom of God maimed (oh, I am maimed!), then enter hell with hands and feet.
Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. (Matthew 18:8)
I was not left to marvel. Christ told us beforehand (Matt. 10:34-36). But it does not lessen the pain.
Please God, can we go back and make it right?
Alas . . . I cannot go back in time. I can only go forward in prayer.
And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit eternal life. (Matthew 19:29)
Have you had to let go of someone dear in obedience to God? I bid you read my post, “When Christian Duty Strikes the Heart“.
Abiding in the Vine,
~ Gleniece
The post “Each Piece of My Heart ” first appeared on Desert Rain.
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I love your blogs you are so creative and you live such s stoic life!
Thank you, Sally! As for living a stoic life, I would have to say I’m far from that on the inside. I’m not indifferent to the pain (or joys) of life, nor as calm and unflinching under suffering as I should be. But there will be suffering in his life and as Christians we must stand up for His truth no matter how it makes us ‘feel’.
I appreciate you stopping by and leaving a comment. Have a beautiful day. ?
The last line of your post says the perfect thing, “I cannot go back in time. I can only go forward and pray.” I remind myself that daily. It is in our Father’s hands…your daughter is in our Father’s hands. However painful this is (and as you know…I know the pain) be comforted knowing that God is there and He loves her, too. Whatever journey your daughter is on, keep the hope that God will reveal His truth to her in His perfect time. The verse that has really helped me as I weep for my daughter is, “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6) I know that God began a good work in my daughter…and He began a good work in your daughter, too! He will not simply forget them. He is still at work. We can trust Him.
May you feel Christ’s peace, Joan
With tears in my eyes, I thank you for your loving words. I don’t think we are ever prepared for the pain of our children’s errant choices.
But I thank God for His truth that lasts forever and for the friends He gives to soothe the sorrowful heart.
I pray your day to be filled with God’s peace, Joan.
Quite a touching post. Praying for you and your daughter. Remember it’s not your fault, she made her choice and God doesn’t hold us accountable for the decisions of others. All you can do is to pray and love her, don’t criticise but love.
Thank you, Gold. As a mother, it’s so hard not to look back and wish we could just start over. But you are right. We are not responsible for another’s decisions. They are accountable to God just as we are. Our responsibility is to honor and obey our Lord Jesus Christ.
Thank you again for taking the time to comment. Have a beautiful day.
Oh, Gleniece (((Hug))) What beautiful words from a mother’s heart. Prayers for you. And her. So often I wish I could return to a simpler place in time, taking with me the knowledge I’ve gained since. How I’d do some things differently with my children. But, God can fill every gap we leave. We’re not perfect, but He is, and He can use all things to His glory. ((sweet blessings to you, friend)) <3
Thank you so much, Brenda, for sending your love and prayers my way. This has been a heart-wrenching trial; something I never expected. But God is indeed faithful. I have to leave it all in His capable hands.
Thank you for stopping by. I truly cherish our friendship.
Oh, Gleneice, such beautiful words, yet such painful thoughts. Yet, who among us doesn’t grieve that way for someone they love. May the Lord be close to you, and may you be amazed at the workings of his will.
I appreciate your touching words, Kathleen. Thank you.